The Tao of the Dark Tunnel

The Tao of the dark tunnel

I can be pretty adventurous and other times I can be a deer in headlights (this is rare for me as I am a Leo) but when this dastardly affliction hits me it can have a great impact on my life!

Think embarrassing ex-boyfriends, bad jobs, impulse buying "the offer ends at midnight” all very time consuming and sometimes painful... I say it's better to make mistakes than have regrets because mistakes are better when they come from desire not fear. (Disclaimer this does not include infidelity or other untoward desires there is no wisdom in the mistake of breaking hearts or addiction)

However there is nothing more paralyzing than fear of a possible outcome such as losing a contract, or making the right decision regarding ones career or running out of petrol whilst one is in the Blackwell tunnel!

The Blackwell tunnel

The Blackwell tunnel is 4,125 feet long.

I have a new car so I didn't really know the the amount of petrol one has in a reserve tank!

The scene

I am driving south of the river and all of a sudden, I am in the tunnel and the petrol light comes on. I am horrified I never go into a tunnel without petrol because well it's dangerous and irresponsible, and I am also very claustrophobic in tunnels!!!

Anyway the day before I was asking a client about her fear and how it affects our choices. So to make an example of myself (I like to practice what I preach). I decided to test the emotional responses to fear

So as the panic and negative self-talk set in I decided to ask myself

What part of me is fearful, where is it located?

What is the wise intuitive part of me saying and what is it saying? Where is it located in my body?

believe me everything slows down especially if your practising deep breathing to calm yourself down

After practising the questions and dialogue the journey through the tunnel was the quickest journey I ever had....

For the key was slowing down and stepping away from the panic or fear by breathing (which we forget to do) also self-talk is a really good way of staying calm. The aim is to talk to yourself like you would talk to a dear friend. This is a good way of calming yourself down so don't beat up or hate on yourself doesn’t help the situation at all.

In my early twenties I suffered from panic attacks and during that time all rationality went out of the window however, a tool I used to get out of the panic state was to give myself positive and reassuring talks rather than run around and create more drama. There are times where the batons of support during fearful times have to be passed to my circle of care/friends/gypsy crew (that’s why it’s important to have good people around you).

The lesson of this journey is balance and being still in a crisis if you cannot do that find a way to get there as soon as you can.

What do you do to remain centred?

On intuition

Sometimes I feel like I am fighting my self

My intuition is something that I live by every day and its getting stronger and stronger which is resulting in a battle with me … Its like emu in the it challenges me stretches me and I feel like I am Rod hull trying to straighten what need to be ruffled and what is not for me.

Scenario one

Job proposal ..more work (it’s a recession) Iit is a Bread n Butter job ( you know the ones we do sometimes for pay the bills) but this time my body was scream it had enough of charging the for such services rendered and wanted to make a more clean living… but my FEAR was getting to me . It’s a recession, there won’t be any more work. Those of you who know my philosophy know that I do not really listen to the news or read news paper (well I don’t buy them but I do tend to read the headlines in supermarkets) anyway my ethos has always been follow your true calling no matter what because you always come through with a little faith. The same faith I seemed to be missing until old inner voice became loud and clear

the message in my gut or solar plexus was NO this isn’t for you …

just like this speaker in my head… Damn

I had to refuse the job I actually felt like I was doing a funny dance like I was two people one leg moving forward to say YES! I will do the job and the other step in back in defiance and shouting ‘enough is enough’ so I looked a picture … I declined the job, and that same afternoon a job offer double the amount came … but you guessed it again is not the job I need to do right now so I keep going until it feels right.(and you guessed it the jobs keep coming).

Now this may seem a little irresponsible but when I chart back my history and the great things I have accomplished have been through tapping into my intuition. Thus the best and most profitable decisions have been listening to my inner guidance. It has never been wrong (when I step out of the way) . However this decision isn’t always easy its actually gives me a headache and it requires 100% responsibility, accountability and some assertiveness (its hard to fight your corner when you have hungry children and a spouse starting at you so your decisions may take a lot of courage and a great deal of common sense. For example is it fear or is it your intuition when you practice history (of starving or feasting ) will let you know if you are dealing with an emotion or true guidance.

So how do we learn to tap into our intuition? by acting on small things before you make decisions for bigger choices. Again knowing the area that rocks you..ie solar plexus or the heart (the area most commonly associated with inner guidance) . Bodywork such as abdominal massage, yoga or energetic exercises, help dissipate anxiety in that area, but the best tool is Meditation that will slow your mind and give you space to listen to your inner voice. I recommend you buy (trust your vibes insert book) or my mp3 podcast of meeting your guide and intuition.

Whatever you do know that it is an interesting and sometimes uncomfortable but highly rewarding journey rock the boat .

Namaste

Self Care for Therapists

I remember my first encounter with Burnout I was working as a Beauty and Holistic Therapist at Bliss Clinic in Portobello Road in early 2001; After four years practicing I had to give up bodywork for a long time due to a lack of self-care. I had a good number of regular clients but I could no longer physically work at the level I was used too. I believe my need for external validation of making others feel better was the driving force of allowing my own resources to become dry.

Eventually I moved into Coaching and Training others to become Therapists which again led me to Burnout.  So in 2012 I retired from over-giving and I changed my way of working.

During this time my mentor/therapist would remind me that I have been a classic rescuer so over giving is in my nature.

Over giving is often in the nature of Healers, Artists, Therapists and can be linked to the Karpman Drama triangle ‘PVR’ triangle, where one becomes the Rescuer and gives tirelessly and eventually collapses with exhaustion or become either a victim or persecutor (see video).

“Work is Love made Visible” – Kahlil Gibran

We love our work but there needs to be some exchange because as a Creative Healer our work is our life, but we need to be able to tap into other sources so we can work better.

I like to use the percentage model with my clients; How much percentage does your work take? for example if it is 50% what are the percentages for other areas in your life? for a Healer therapist I believe rest should be very high on your list unless you have a specific project.  This model comes from a more complex model used by the Aztec healers explained by the now departed Healer Elena Avila in her book Women who Glows in the Dark. The Author explains the Aztec model for Healers in more detail.
It is really important for you to have a plan or an ethos for living as a pioneer because anything less would be detrimental to your growth.

Six ways to bring balance and self-care into your life.
1 Community (Partner /Friends/ Family)
2 Rest and Relaxation
3 Exercise
4 Going out in nature
5 Mediation, Prayer, Gratitude, Creativity
6 Healthy Food

If you would like to know more or have some support on self-care, please sign up for our newsletter and join our free course the Creative healing coaching course.