“Act 1: “Dear Adam
I am bitter, not better, because I tasted a dream deferred, a failed flawed human a soured fruit masquerading as a muse” Yours Lillith”

— mjfontaine2017

When a woman stands in her femininity without the need to be a man or compete with men she can experience a backlash of the Patriarchal fear if her male partner does not know how to love a soft and feminine woman. A fear enhanced due to the changing role of women right now, women are so independent and capable that the traditional role of the passive woman is obsolete. This isn't a good or bad thing but, this capability has left women overworked and unable to function and men not knowing how to be.

This isn't a good or bad thing but, this capability has left women overworked and unable to function and me not knowing how to be. Our duties along with our gender roles are not so defined so all sorts of judgements and self-defenses happen between both parties, hell breaks loose thus you have four people in a relationship - two plus the projections.

The projections only serve to be the guardians of the programmes and behaviours constructed within the family/caregiver situation. Programmes are the light that shines on the part of the soul that needs work. Without projections or programmes in a relationship we can never go through the next stage, whatever that may be, we need to love and be loved through our projections, and problems for they help shape us.

Eventually. though we need to take our projections back and heal them.

Moving forward.

Coming together with other women sharing in a non-judgemental space where we can be accountable, self- awareness and progressive in terms of love will help us as women find more fulfilling relationships. True healing and changes of behaviour can only happen where there is unconditional positive regard, compassion, empathy and transparency. Accountability circles that exhibit the above is a space and community for healing for awareness and not judgement. Circles are not relationship substitutes but a place where we can do better and be better so we can bring our best self to our personal and intimate connections.

if you are in London and would like to join with other women to start the journey of healing you and your relationships then join our Monthly women's group

Please comment below or share this post with somebody you think may need this.

I remember my first encounter with Burnout I was working as a Beauty and Holistic Therapist at Bliss Clinic in Portobello Road in early 2001; After four years practicing I had to give up bodywork for a long time due to a lack of self-care. I had a good number of regular clients but I could no longer physically work at the level I was used too. I believe my need for external validation of making others feel better was the driving force of allowing my own resources to become dry.

Eventually I moved into Coaching and Training others to become Therapists which again led me to Burnout. So in 2012 I retired from over-giving and I changed my way of working.

During this time my mentor/therapist would remind me that I have been a classic rescuer so over giving is in my nature.

Over giving is often in the nature of Healers, Artists, Therapists and can be linked to the Karpman Drama triangle ‘PVR’ triangle, where one becomes the Rescuer and gives tirelessly and eventually collapses with exhaustion or become either a victim or persecutor (see video).

“Work is Love made Visible” – Kahlil Gibran

We love our work but there needs to be some exchange because as a Creative Healer our work is our life, but we need to be able to tap into other sources so we can work better.

I like to use the percentage model with my clients; How much percentage does your work take? for example if it is 50% what are the percentages for other areas in your life? for a Healer therapist I believe rest should be very high on your list unless you have a specific project. This model comes from a more complex model used by the Aztec healers explained by the now departed Healer Elena Avila in her book Women who Glows in the Dark. The Author explains the Aztec model for Healers in more detail.
It is really important for you to have a plan or an ethos for living as a pioneer because anything less would be detrimental to your growth.

Six ways to bring balance and self-care into your life.
1 Community (Partner /Friends/ Family)
2 Rest and Relaxation
3 Exercise
4 Going out in nature
5 Mediation, Prayer, Gratitude, Creativity
6 Healthy Food

If you would like to know more or have some support on self-care, please sign up for our newsletter and join our free course the Creative healing coaching course.

Projections : The Tao of Relationships Part 1

Self Care for Therapists